Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

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You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful… It is a pity that I do not like animals!!!

I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the …… Wait a moment…. oh no, I do have the right number…

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I sense the smell of the bathroom, I think of you!

I do not swear, I do not smoke and I do not drink! O damned my cigarette has fallen in my glass of beer…
`
I wish you lots of itching and short arms.
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You have the face of a saint…a Saint-Bernard!
`
Will we play the hulk together??…..I will be tall and strong and you green and ugly!!!
`
If you did not have any feet, would you wear shoes?? …no… why do you wear a bra????!!!
`
A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men!
`
Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure..
`
I am born this way, but what is your excuse?
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I love the sea, I love the rocks, but when I see you I need to puke!
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Some people die. Others become a teacher…
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The more the merrier. The more women, the prettier.
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Women are just like frogs. They have a big mouth and are scared of the stork.
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If you are raped and you cannot defend yourself… keep still and enjoy it!
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If I ever die because of marihuana, mark on my grave, I am too stoned to get up!!
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When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I’m a lady and I play with boys!!
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You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea.
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When are you really full of confidence? ………….. If you fart having diarrhea.
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Roses are red … Violets are blue … but a face like yours belongs in the zoo!!!
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On the door of a toilet….Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder!
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Nice hair, a shame that you sit on it.
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Roses are red violets are blue, shit stinks and so do you!
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He kisses her gently on the lips. She does not feel comfortable, squeezes her legs, and so his glasses broke.
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A woman is a marvelous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.
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It is red and it taps on the window ……………….. A baby in a microwave.
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I like your style … I like your class … but most of all I like your ass.

Its Saturday once again ….

Yaa….. hh ooooo…….

It is Saturday….

Hav a great weekend…..

Escape fast…

Before the boss sees u…

Have a great weekend…

THIS IS ENTRY TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
– that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

1 0. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Holi tyohar hai Rang aur Bhaang ka
Hum sab yaaron ka
Ghar mein aaye mehmano ka
Gali mein gali walon ka
Mohalle mein mahoul waalo ka
Desh mein deshwalo ka.
Boora naa maano Holi hai Holi hai bhai Holi hai!
`
Holi is the time to develop understanding and love for each other.
Here, is a platform for you all to renew your friendship and to express
heartiest love by scribbling a beautiful Holi message for loved ones
`
Mausam ki bahar acchi ho! phulon ki kaliyan kacchi ho!
Hamari yeh dosti sacchi ho!
Bhagwan bus ek duwa hai ki,
mere dost ka har tyohar accha ho!
aour har tyoharoki rango ki bahar ho…”HAPPY HOLI”
`
May you have the most blessed holi festival than you ever had.
May it be full of fun,joy and love.
May you be as colorful as the festival itself or even more.
Lets all have lots of fun.
`
Bright colors,
water balloons,
lavish gujiyas and melodious songs are the ingredients of perfect Holi.
Wish you a very happy and wonderful Holi!
`
May God gift you all the colors of life;
colors of joy,
colors of happiness,
colors of friendship,
olors of love and all the other colors,
you want to paint your life with.
Happy Holi!
`
A true and caring relation doesn’t have to speak loud,
a soft SMS is just enough to express the heartiest feelings.
Enjoy the festival of Holi with lots of fun!

Wish you a wonderful Holi this time. Here are some selected and good Holi Greetings SMS for this Holi Festival. These Holi festival greetings can be used for greeting your friends and relative a Happy Holi.

Hawa ke Hath Paigam Bheja Hai,
Roshani ke Jariye 1 Arman Bheja Hai,
Fursat Mile To Kabul Kar Lena Is Nachiz Ne,
Rango ke Tyohar ka pyar bheja hai.
`
Rangon se bhi rangeen zindagi hai humari,
rangeeli rahe yeh bandagi hai humari,
kabhi na bigde ye pyar ki rangoli,
aye mere yaar aisi HAPPY HOLI.
`
Tamannao se bhari ho zindagi,
khwahisho se bhara ho har pal,
daaman bhi chota lage,
itni khushiya de apko anewala har pal,
! Happy Holi !!
`
Rang udaye Pichkari,
rang se rang jaye duniya sari,
holi ke rang aapke jeevan ko rang de,
yeh shubhakamana hai hamari,
HAPPY HOLI.
`
Pichkari ki Dhar,
Gulal ki bauchar,
Apno ka pyar,
Yahi hai yaaron holi ka tyohar.
holi ki aap ko haardik shubhkaamnaye.
`
Aaj rang lo is mehfil mein,
khelo jhoom kar holi,
ched do har dil ko aaj
bol kar pyar ki boli,
lal gulal aur har rang mein
Aaye jeevan mein baharon ki doli
`
Doston, is parv mein phailey hai rang saarey
Pichkari sang khelo Holi,
ya ley aao gubarey
Choti Choti baatein hai,
choti choti khushiya
Tum bhi jara haslo aaj,
jab hasti yeh duniya
Na bura socho kisika, na rakho kisi se irshya
Karo kuch aisa, ki lage rang lai hai shiksha
`
Khana Pina Rang Udana
Is Rang Ki Dhundh me hame na bhulana.
Geet Gao Khoshiya manao
Bolo mithi boli
hamari tarafse Aapako
HAPPY HOLI..
`
Na zuban se,
Na nigaho se,
Na dimag se,
Na rango se,
Na Greeting se,
Na Gifts se,
Direct dil se AAPko;
“HAPPY HOLY”

200 Runs/ 147Balls/ 25X4 / 3X6

Agree you have done GREAT BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT…

25 x 4s = 100
3 x 6s = 18

IT implies that you have done 118 Runs in 28 Balls.

And 12 x 2s = 24
58 x 1s = 58

IT means you have done all 200 Runs in only 98 balls

So you have wasted 147-98 = 49 balls
Considering only 1 run scored on each of these balls you could have earned 49 valuable RUNS FOR OUR TEAM

MANAGER’S COMMENT: So you only met the expectations and NOT EXCEEDING (though anyone of our team could not do it) and your rating is 2.

Trainings for him: Learn from how to STEAL singles in every ball.

You’re my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You’re my Sweetie Pie
You’re my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums, You’re the Apple of my Eye
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I’ll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear

1.Wake Up !!
Decide to have a good day.

2.Dress Up !!
The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

3.Shut Up!!
Say nice things and learn to listen. With two ears and one mouth..
it’s meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
“He who guards his lips guards his soul.”

4.Stand Up!!
for what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
“Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time,
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good…”

5.Look Up !!
Keep yourself centered. Remember, you are important.
“I can do everything through ALLAH who strengthens me”.

6.Reach Up !!
for something higher. Trust with all your heart,
and lean not unto your own understanding.

7.Lift Up !!
your Prayers. “Do not worry about anything;
instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.”

Fresh Air….
Fresh Idea….
Fresh Talent….
Fresh Energy….
I wish U to have a …..
Sweetest Sunday,
Marvellous Monday,
Tasty Tuesday,
Wonderful Wednesday,
Thankful Thursday,
Friendly Friday,
Successful Saturday

‘ADICHU NINTE ANAPPALLU THERIPPIKKUM‘

Enna superhit nadakathinu shesham URVASHI THEATRES avatharipikkunna puthiya nadakam….

‘VACHITTU PODA POTTA..‘
`
Oridathu Sundariyaya 1penkuttiyum sundaranaya
1 aankuttiyum undayirunnu. Avarku parasparam ishtamayirunnu, pakshe thurannu paranjittilla. Palapozhum avanu parayanam ennu undayirunnu. Angane oru sunday,Avan ellam parayan theerumanichu. Pakshe vidhi avarku ethirayirunnu? Avalude phonil balance 0.00 ningalku avane sahayikande. Please recharge, No.********** vidhi avare onnippikkatte…. Note:minimum 50 rupakku engilum cheyyanam avark orupaadu samsarikkanundu.
`
Teacher: “Wats ur name ?”

Student: “Vichithrajeevi”

Tchr: “kollaam, kandalum parayum..”

Stud: “satyamayitum njan vichitrajeeviyanu..”

Tchr: “kaliyakalle kutti..”

Stud: Sir, its ‘Vichitra G.V’ !!”

Kunnumel santha
.
.
Bus stand Thankamma
.
.
Vayattaati kaarthu
.
.
kalliyankattu neeli
.
.
Mundakkal sarada
..
Nee
Aarude koode kidannalum

GuD Night :

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.

******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

******
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn’t it rain on you?

******
Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.

Look Outside it’s So Pleasant!
Sun Smiling 4 U !
Trees Dancing 4 U !
Birds Singing 4 U !
Because, I Asked Them All 2 Wish You
“A Happy Friendship Day”
`
Friendship is a blessing and to all those who have a friend.
it is the most precious gift god could ever send..
Here is wishing you a “Happy Friendship Day”
`
Friendship is a little more trust,
A little less try,
A little more laugh,
And a little less cry,
A little more WE and a little less I.
Happy Friendship Day!!!
`
Friends r like mornings,
U can’t have them the whole day,
But U can be sure,
They’ll be there when U wake up,
Tomorrow,next week, next year…

You were crying when u were born
while evrybody was laughing there
As u live 2 blow a thousand candles,
live ur life humbly so that
u would b the one laughing when u die
and everybody else would be crying.
Happy Birthday
`
As we observe your birthday now,
Your cake and gifts don’t matter much.
These common things aren’t really you,
Ribbons, paper hats and such.
`
We celebrate a person who
Brings happiness to everyone,
Someone who gives more than she gets,
And fills our lives with joy and fun.
`
So Happy Birthday, and many more!
We hope you make it to a hundred and two,
Because we cannot even dream
What life would be like without you.

`
We do not love people because they are beautiful,
But they seem beautiful to us because we love them…!
`
Like the flower waiting to bloom….
Like the lightbulb in the dark room….
Like the desert waiting for rain….
I’m just sitting here waiting for u.
`
I want my eyes to be your eyes so you could see how wonderful you are, I want my heart to be your heart so you could feel how much you mean to me, and I want my ear to be your ear so you could hear me whisper “I love you.”
`
I’m here without you baby
but u r still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
but u r still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
`
If we fall in love because someone makes us laugh, what happens when we no longer find them funny? If we fall in love because someone is beautiful, what happens when that beauty fades? If we fall in love because someone can provide for us, what happens when they lose their wealth? Because love defies all reasons, when you truly love someone, you just can’t find a reason, you just do.
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Dreaming of you makes my night worthwhile,
Thinking of you makes me smile,
Being with you is the best thing ever,
And loving you is what I’ll do forever..
`
In this WORLD,
where everything seems UNCERTAIN,
only one thing is DEFINITE.
You’ll always be my FRIEND,
beyond WORDS, beyond TIME
& beyond DISTANCE!
`
Whenever I miss u,
Stars fall down from the sky.
So any day if u find the sky empty,
don’t blame me! It’s all ur fault;
u made me Miss u so !
`
I’m keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our day
Wanna wake up every morning
to your sweet face–always
`
Do u know the relationship between ur 2 eyes? They blink together, move together, cry together, see things together and sleep together … even though they never c each other ….
`
Some times….When I’m all alone.
I close my eyes and think of you…
and the thought of your love worms
me inside and make me smile.
`
I have liked many but loved very few.
Yet no-one has been as sweet as U.
I would stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.
Just for the pleasure of a moment with U.
`
Sharp is Ur memory,
Sweet is Ur name,
Deep in my heart,
U will always remain,
Earth want water,
Flower wants dew,
I want nothing but a smile from U.