Doctor - Please take
3 spoonfuls of this
medicine daily at night Patient - I Can’t do that Doctor.!
Doctor - Why.?
Patient- I have Only
One Spoon at my home.

Sunny and his Son
are Very Lazy.
Sunny - Son, Go Out
and see if it is Raining.
Son - Oh.! Dad.
Can’t you Call in Tommy
and See if he is
Wet or Not.?

How do you
Make Santa Laugh
on a Sunday.?
?
?
Tell him a Joke on a Wednesday.

Policemen were
Searching for a Thief.
At last they found his wife. Policemen - Where is
your husband.?
Wife - He has Gone for
Night Shift Duty.

Chantu- Why do you
sleep with the Parrot
beside you.?
Bantu - Bcoz I Want
to Know what all
I Say in My Sleep.!

A Student Was Asked 2 Write A Sign Board 4 D Traffic Near D College..
He Wrote: “Drive Carefully! Dont Kill D Students, Wait 4 D Teachers.”

Son - Dad, we will soon Become Very RICH.
Father - What makes
you say so, my Son.?
Son - Tomorrow, my Teacher will teach me
How to Convert
Paisa Into Rupees.

Sam gets a CHEQUE.
He Throws it On
the Ground.
Can you guess Why.???

?

?

To see whether it
Will BOUNCE or Not..

Can you guess,
What phrase is shown below.? S-n-o-w

?

Guess

?

Try

?

Give up.?

Ok.

Dashing through snow.

Top 5 Funny Shops :

5. Karunanidhi Hair Dressers.
4. Namitha Textiles.
3. Govinda Finance.
2. Jayalalitha Fitness Centre.

.

.

.

.

1. VIJAY Beauty Parlour.

Galileo used small lamp 2 study.
Grahambel used candle 2 study.
Shakspeare used street light 2 study.

1 mattum puriyala
“pagal la padichaa
padippu varaadha?” keep smiling…

The sins of my life
was nullified by the sacrifice of my Lord in
the cursed tree.
The light invaded my life
and there was no place
for darkness.!
How great are
Thy works O Lord.!

Lord says, “Never will
I leave you; never will
I forsake you”
-Heb.13:5
*Keep your mind away from the love of money. Put all your faith in God.
He will lead you

Styles of Saying
Good Night
Dad-Good Night Son
Friend-Good Night Daa
Girl Friend-Good Night Dear
Lover-Good Night Jaanu
Our Mom-Susu Karke
Sona Beta
Mummy Rockz

If the Path is Beautiful,
ask Where it leads.
But if the
Destination is Beautiful,
do Not ask
How the Path is..?
Just Keep Walking.!

Life never turns the way we want. But we can live it d best way we want. There is no perfect life, but we can fill it with perfect moments”.

I will surely strike
my hands together
at the unjust gain yo
have made and at
the blood you have
shed in your midst.
Will your courage
endure or your hands
be strong in the day
I deal with you.?
I the LORD have spoken
and I will do it.- Ezekiel 22:13,14

How you worship is
not the point at all.
How you communicate
is not the point.
The whole point is
just how deeply
you relate.- SADHGURU.

‘LOGIC IS NÖT LIFE.
IF YOU SLEEP AND REST
THE WHOLE DAY YOU
WILL NÖT BE ABLE TO
REST AT ALL IN THE NIGHT. THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THE RICH PEOPLE IN AFFLUENT SOCIETIES.
INSOMNIA IS A LUXURY,
NOT EVERYBODY CAN
AFFORD IT.’- Osho.

Your task is not
to seek for love, but
merely to seek and
find all the barriers
within yourself that
you have built against it.- Anonymous.

“The best way to
remain happy in any relationship is to
treat people the way
you would like to
be treated”.

Therefore this is what
the sovereign lord says : since yo have forgotten
me and thrust me behind your back, you must
bear the consequences
of your lewdness and prostitution.- Ezekiel 23:35

Todays Promise
Commit to the Lord whatever you do and
your plans will succeed.
Pro.16:3
Tell JESUS all your plans
and commit it to Him,
then you wil see victory

A brain went into a pub and said, “Can I have a pint of lager please?” “No way” says the barman “you are already out of your head”.
**********
What’s the difference between a man and a dog? A man wears a suit, a dog just pants.
**********
Did you hear about the prawn that went to a nightclub - he pulled a mussel.
**********
A man walks into a surgery “doctor” he cries “I think I’m shrinking” “I’m sorry, sir there are no appointments at the moment” says the physician “you will just have to be a little patient”
**********
Thieves made off with a toilet from police station, police say they have nothing to go on
**********
What do you get when you sing a country and western song backwards? Your wife back, your house back and your dog back.
**********
Why did the orange stop? Cause it ran out of juice.
*********
Which country is the worst at Karaoke? Singapore
**********
Baby polar bear asks his mum “am I a real polar bear?” “Yes son you are, why?” “Because I’m bloody freezing”
**********
What happened to the shortsighted circumciser?
He got the sack.
**********

Where does Sadaam Hussein keep his cds? In a rack.
**********
What did the mummy cow say to the baby calf before it was live exported? Veal meet again.
**********
I used to work with a bald headed geezer who had tattoos of Rabbits all over his head. From a distance they look like hares.
**********
My mate has just opened a delicatessen in Jerusalem. He’s called it Cheeses of Nazareth.
**********
My husband joined the local mechanics course. They sent him home because he wasn’t in the right gear.
**********
What’s ET short for?
Coz he’s only got little legs….boom boom
**********
Which mobile network do Jedi’s use? Yodafone.
*********
Where does a King keep his armies? Up his sleevies.
**********
When is sheep ink? When it’s in a pen.
**********
Where would you find a duck with no legs? Where you left it.

**********
What do you call a sheep that doesn’t like Christmas? Baaaa Humbug!
**********
Two cannibals were at a circus eating a clown. The one turned to the other and said, “Does this taste funny to you?”
**********
How do you call all the squirrels in the world?….”Calling all squirrels, calling all squirrels”
**********
A man walks into a psychiatrist’ s office wearing nothing but a pair of cling-film underpants. As he sits down, the psychiatrist says, “I can clearly see you’re nuts”.
**********
What do Arsenal and a three-pin plug have in common? They are both useless in Europe.
**********
A plumber divorcing his wife turns round and said it’s all over flo.
**********
What do people in Yorkshire call ebay? Ebaygum
*********
During my driving lesson, I asked my instructor, ‘Do I go left, right or straight across the roundabout?’ He replied, ‘No, you go around it.’
**********
A Dyslexic man walks into a bra…
**********
What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They both have the same middle name.

**********
There are three types of people in this world - those who can count and those who can’t.
**********
What do you call someone who used to like tractors? An ex-tractor fan.
**********
Man walks in to a bar
Ouch!
**********
Why don’t cats like shaving? Because 9 out of 10 prefer Whiskas.
**********
I went out last night and drank eleven pints of yoghurt, when I woke up this morning I was mullered.
**********
What do you call a Chinese girl with a food mixer on her head? Blenda.
**********
Did you hear about the 2 silk worms that had a race? It all ended in a tie.
*********
Did you know, Benylin Cough medicine was invented by a Russian doctor? His named was Ivor Chestikov.
**********
What kind of key do you need to get into the jungle? A monKEY.
**********
What is a vampire’s favourite fruit? Neck-tarines.
**********

Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?…because of his coffin.
**********
I spilt spot remover on my dog… now he’s gone.
**********
Why do elephants have four feet? They would look daft with just 6 inches.
**********
A man walks in to a doctor’s surgery, and tells the doctor that every time he lifts his arm it hurts like hell and asks the doctor what to do. The doctor tells him not to lift his arm.
**********
What do you call a woman with 5 classes of beer balanced on her head?
“Beertricks”
**********
A man walks into a pub with a lump of tarmac under his arm. ‘A pint please, landlord’ he says. ‘And one for the road’.
**********
What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A Zebra
*********
What did the sea say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
**********
What do you call a pop star that has regular bowel movements? Damon All- Bran
**********
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget.
Where is the best place to hide a leaf?
Answer: A Tree
**********
Why did the Mushroom go to the party?
Answer: Because he’s a fun-guy
**********
What do you call a girl with tiles on her head?
Ruth.

**********
What green and runs around your garden?
A hedge
**********
Two overweight regulars are sitting in the pub.
‘Your round’ said one, to which the other replied,
‘You can talk you fat cu*t!’
**********
Stevie Wonder was having an interview and the interviewer asked about what it was like to be blind. He answered:
“it’s not that bad, I mean, it could be worse, I could be black!”
**********

Why have you called your pet newt tiny?
Because he’s my newt.
*********
What do you call an Australian who makes wooden toilets?
Lou Carpenter!
**********
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
**********
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

Have you heard Poundstretcher and Marks and Spencer’s are merging? They’re now called Stretch Marks.
**********
A bloke goes home to his wife and says, ‘I’ve won the lottery, pack your bags.’ She replies, ‘What for, winter or summer?’ ‘Anything you like,’ he says, ‘now sod off.’
**********
My last holiday was terrible, I flew with BA. He just kept shouting “You crazy Fool, I aint getting on no plane!�
**********
My friend swallowed an extractor fan, he’s OK now but it took it out of him.
**********
I broke my neck once, but to be fair I haven’t looked back since
**********
What’s green and smells like yellow paint? – Green Paint!
**********

Knock knock?
(Who’s there?)
Romeo
(Romeo who?)
Romeover to the other side of the lake and I’ll tell you!
*********
How many Pokemon does it take to change a light bulb?
157 but you’ve got to catch them all!
**********
Two cows in a field. One says to the other “I hear they’re doing artificial insemination on us cows”
“Really?”
“Yep, straight up - no bull!”
**********
What’s orange and sounds like a Parrot?
Answer: A Carrot

“ALWAYS REMAIN YOUNG,
NEVER BECOME OLD.
YOUR BODY WILL
BECOME OLD, BUT
YOUR MIND HAS
NO NECESSITY TO
BECOME OLD.
IF YOUR MIND
REMAINS YOUNG
AND FRESH,
READY TO LEARN,
READY TO EXPLORE
NEW DIMENSIONS OF LIFE,
YOU ARE ALIVE.”- OSHO.

To wish you were
someone else is
to waste the person
you are.
Good Morning.
Have a CHEERFUL Day.
Take Care.

For evil to flourish,
it only requires
good people
to do nothìng.
Good Morning.
Have a WONDERFUL Day. Take Care.

It is not that action
is springing from
the desire; the
desire is the beginning
of the action.- SADHGURU.

It is a characteristic
of wisdom not to do desperate things.
Good Morning.
Have a CHEERFUL Day.
Take Care.

Necessity of action
takes away the
fear of the act.
Good Morning.
Have a CHEERFUL Day.
Take Care.

Donot despair when
the going gets rough,
for that’s when
you know how
strong you are.
Good Morning.
Have a LOVELY Day.

‘Peasa Veandiya Nearangallil Amaidhiyaaga Irundhu Vittaal, Amaidhiyaana Nearangallil Nimmadhiyaaga Irukka Mudiyaadhu’
Sariyaana Nearathil Sariyaaga Peasa Vendum

Etitu veezhunna mazha thullikalkidayil,
e thanutha kulirkatil,
e puthu pulariyile manju thullikalkidayil
Alakiyitta
Jetty unangunnillaa.. Ninteyo.?

Chanceless nosecut:
DOCTER:neenga ivara 1hour munnadi kondu vandhirundha pilachiruppar
MAN:kondu vandhirukkalam aana accident agaie10min than aguthu.

Father : Nethu rathiri semesteruku padichennu sonne. Aana un roomla light yeriyalaiye..!
Son: Padikkira intrestla adhai yellam kavanikkalappa.

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.

Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan
nahin pa raha

Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga…

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !

Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si k blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?

Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!

Hum ne lakh samjhaya in aansuon ko,
ki tanhai me aaya karo…Mehfil me mera mazak na udaya karo,
Is pe tadap ke aansu boli,
Itne logon me bhi aapko tanha pate hain…Isi liye to chale aate hain.

Javed Kamal

Ye jo ladkiyo ke baal hote hai,
Ladko ko fasaane ke jaal hote hai,
Khoon choos leti hai ladko ka saara,
Tabhi to inke hoth laal hote hai.

Ek family shole dekhne aai pati patni
Ae romanticly bola, “naach basanti naach”
Tabhi bacha chilaya-”mummy is kutte ke samane mat nachna.

Aasoo tera nikle aankh meri ho…
Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho…
Khuda kare dosti hamaari itani gahari ho
Joote aapko pade aur kartoot meri ho.

Aapse mulakaat ki ek azab nishaani hai,
Hasate-hasate aakhen bhar aati hai,
Zindagi me ho chaahe kitni pareshani,
Aapke saaye me har mushkil aasaan nazar aati hai.

Log kahte hai ki itna pyaar mat karo,
Ki pyaar dil par sawaar ho jaaye,
Ham kahate hai pyaar aisa karo ki,
Dushman ko bhi tumse pyaar ho jaaye.

Zindagi kisi ki amaanat nahi hoti,
Amaanat me kabhi khayaanat nahi hoti,
Dil ko sambhaalkar rakhna dost,
Meri dosti ki kaid me, zamaanat nahi hoti.

Zindagi nahi hame doston se pyaari,
Dosto pe haazir hai jaan hamaari,
Aakhon me hamaare aansu hai to kya,
Jaan se bhi pyaari hai muskuraahat tumhaari.

Kuch vaade bhi the… kuch iraade bhi the…
kuch hasrate bhi thi… kuch chaahte bhi thi…
Hua karte the ham bhi kisi ke kabhi,
Koi hamdam hamaare bhi the.

Mohabbat bhi kya cheez hai…
Na chain isme…na karaar isme,
Dil rahe bekaraar isme…
Dilbar agar chod jaaye o,
Zindagi bekaar isme…

Kaash dil ki aawaaz me itna asar ho jaaye,
Ham aapko yaad kare aur aapko khabar ho jaaye.

Yaad karte hai yaaro ko,
Yaadon se dil bhar aata hai,
Kabhi saath jiya karte the,
Lekin aaj milne ko dil taras jaata hai.

Ye dosti ke rishte bhi ajeeb hote hai,
Sabke apane-apane naseeb hote hai,
Rahte hai jo nigaaho se door,
Vahi sabse kareeb hote hai.

Daulat aur shauharat sabke paas hai,
Khushiyaa aur gam sabke naseeb me hai,
Pyaar aur nafarat sabke dil me hai,
Par khushnaseeb hai ham, jo tum jaisa dost hamaare paas hai

Mausam ki bahaar achi ho,
Phoolon ki kaliya kachi ho,
Hamaare ye rishte sache ho,
Rab tere se bas ek dua hai ki,
Mere yaar ki har subah achi ho.

Tum mujhe bhula na paaoge,
Is kadar ham tumhe yaad aayenge…
Yakeen na aaye to aaine me dekhna,
Teri aakhon me ham nazar aayenge.
-Neha Shah

You say that love is nonsense….
I tell you it is no such thing.
For weeks and months it is a steady physical pain,
an ache about the heart,
never leaving one, by night or by day; a long strain on one’s
nerves like toothache or rheumatism, not intolerable at any one instant,
but exhausting by its steady drain on the strength.
* Henry Adams*

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator,
but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make laugh.
* W. H. Auden*

Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy,
or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other,
and both together make up one whole.
* Samuel Taylor Coleridge*

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions
May wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
As the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you
so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth
So is he for your pruning.
The Prophet by Gibran Khalil Gibran

Love, with very young people, is a heartless business.
We drink at that age from thirst, or to get drunk;
it is only later in life that we occupy ourselves with the
individuality of our wine.
* Isak Dinesen*

Love must not touch the marrow of the soul.
Our affections must be breakable chains that we
can cast them off or tighten them.
* Euripedes*

Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists…
When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the
other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in
two volumes of which the first has been lost.
That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness
in absence
* Preeti Bansal*

No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity,
if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to
your own family, what have you really accomplished?
* Lee Iacocca*

This was love at first sight, love everlasting: a feeling unknown,
unhoped for, unexpected– in so far as it could be a matter of
conscious awareness; it took entire possession of him,
and he understood, with joyous amazement,
that this was for life.
* Thomas Mann*

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species
of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled,
but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
* George Jean Nathan*

We conceal it from ourselves in vain–we must always love something.
In those matters seemingly removed from love, the feeling is
secretly to be found, and man cannot possibly
live for a moment without it.
* Blaise Pascal*

Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse;
it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness
which afflicts most men and women throughout
the greater part of their lives.
* Bertrand Russell*

Love has features which pierce all hearts, he wears a bandage
which conceals the faults of those beloved. He has wings,
he comes quickly and flies away the same.
* Voltaire*

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and
without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.
*Leo Buscaglia*

To live a life i need heartbeat,
2 have heartbeat i need a heart,
2 have heart i need happiness,
to have happiness i need a friend,
and 4 a friend i need U ALWAYS

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